One the best moments this year was when I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, and the guy - whom I desperately admire, have severe brain crushes on - said something that was terribly profound.
He said that adults were just people who are doing their best. That the majority of them were people who weren't sure what they were doing half the time, or they were just reacting in the moment.
It was a relief to hear that.
So much of who I am wants me to know I am doing the right thing. Whether it is writing or mothering or wifing around, I want to know I am doing the best thing all the time forever.
It's hard to feel like you're doing the right thing sometimes. Some things are black and white. Other things allow you a rainbow of selections.
For example, what is your favorite color? Mine is pretty much blue. I love blue. I don't know when I started liking blue, but it's always been something I've known that I love. Is there anything wrong with loving blue, instead of some other color? I don't think so. (It would take a lot of persuasive convincing to get me to change my mind on this.) This type of scenario is different from questions like "Should you rob a bank?" where the answer is pretty obvious.
There's a trick to knowing which ones are which when it comes to that. I haven't quite figured that out yet. It's easier to see when things are black and white. But we live in a world of gray, along with the rest of the rainbow.
So hearing that I'm not the only person in the world who has a problem being told to "be your best self" and having no clue what to do for half of that and having very little ideas of where to start to get there (especially after all the major things have been taken care of) ... That makes me feel pretty good.
And I'm glad, because not knowing where I fit into life in the grand scheme of things can haunt me.
While this is something I will probably struggle with for the rest of my life, give or take how much attention I pay to it, the quest begins to find my own writing niche.
I'll have to think about that some - even if it's something I probably should have thought about before, ha!